I have a favor to ask.
It’s something I’ve wanted to bring up for a while, but it always felt pretty out of place. OR, if you were someone I’d spoken to recently, it may have been a little too relevant. And I didn’t want it to seem like I was pointing fingers! Because everyone does this—including me.
But with the holidays come the life updates we simply cannot escape and I realized now is as good a time as any.
Please stop asking when we’ll get engaged.
The more I get that question the worse I feel for ever bugging anyone else about the same topic. For a lot of reasons.
First, who says we need to be? Now or ever? Yes, we’ve been dating since 2013. Yes, we have the house and two dogs. Yes, I love him and he loves me and we’ve become part of each other’s families. But is that all part of some checklist I’m not aware of? Is there a timeline we were supposed to abide by?
I spend a lot of time on the internet and I’ve never seen either so I’m assuming that answer is no.
Second, while I genuinely appreciate your interest in our relationship, it’s our relationship. His and mine. And I would assume the status of that relationship isn’t something you think about super often, but the frequency with which some people ask is somewhat alarming.
And maybe that’s the actual favor: Not that you don’t ask at all, but at least keep tabs on the last time we talked about it.
Because third, if we’re all sticking to the tradition of a guy proposing to his girlfriend, why is it that girls get this question 10x more than the dudes?
If you really want to know when we’ll get engaged, ask him. Maybe then the female in the relationship wouldn’t seem so crazy and obsessed with all things wedding if the male realized just how often the topic comes up.
And a little pressure might do them some good.
(Them being all males, not Drew specifically. Please don’t take this as a request to bombard him with the question, because I can assure you he’s very aware.)
That brings me to item four: Life has so few surprises anymore, and the constant harping on an engagement—one of those rare opportunities to be rendered truly speechless—completely destroys the element of surprise.
Truth be told, I’d rather not think about it every hour of every day. But if I’m not fielding the question, I’m seeing someone else’s proposal on Facebook, or getting a wedding dress ad on Instagram, or seeing a million engagement ring commercials every day between Halloween and New Year’s.
And it’s all kind of backfiring.
The more people ask and the more I have to say “not yet” or “soon” or “I don’t know, can we talk about something else, literally anything else, like North Korea,” the less exciting the topic becomes.
I start thinking about the ring and the pictures and the planning with flowers and food and a venue and how putting the word “wedding” before anything jacks the price 400% and honestly WHY DO WE DO THIS?
It’s insane. We’re all insane. I feel insane. Consider that the final reason.
So the next time we see each other, if you’re really wondering when we’ll get married, just ask how Drew has been. If I feel like talking about a pending proposal, that’s a good way to present the opportunity. If I don’t, I’ll tell you he’s great, still working to finish our basement and sticking to a workout schedule that starts well before I even wake up in the morning, thanks for asking.
Distract yourself with Vance Joy.