I live in Omaha and work in Lincoln, meaning my commute totals two hours—one hour each way—every day.
I don’t mind the time or distance one bit. (Being part of a carpool helps significantly, but even when I’m the driver, it’s nice being able to mentally prep for the day ahead and/or wind down after eight hours of work.)
What I do mind are other drivers.
Other drivers are TERRIBLE.
And there isn’t just one kind of terrible driver, because that wouldn’t make the interstate enough of a cluster.
Instead, there are approx. seven kinds of terrible drivers, making the interstate a total nightmare and all side streets unassuming death traps.
Before we get into specifics, yes, I do tend to travel at speeds beyond the posted limit—sometimes it’s in an effort to keep up with traffic! But a majority of the time it’s just because I feel most comfortable setting cruise control at a solid 6-7 mph over.
But let’s talk about cruise control for a second.
Modern “speed control” was invented in 1948. That’s 70 years of cars created with this technology readily available.
Until right now—not even 30 seconds ago when I looked up the history of cruise control—I would’ve given any pre-90s model a free pass to fluctuate speeds based on the faulty assumption that they had no other choice.
This changes everything.
Before, my rage was only directed towards newer models who simply refused to set a speed.
Now I can hate everyone because COME ON, YOU GUYS. Why wouldn’t you use it? On the interstate of all places!
Not only do you look like a real nerd getting passed four times in a span of 10 minutes, but you’re destroying your mileage. Economically, it doesn’t make sense!
So please, turn on cruise control, spend a few seconds finding the perfect speed and hit Set.
After that, all you have to do is toy with + and – anytime traffic decides to interfere with your flow. Otherwise, you shouldn’t touch a single thing until it’s time to exit.
But if you’re the kind of person who actively chooses not to use cruise control only for the sake of throwing a fit anytime someone tries to pass—hence the speeding up just to slow down a mile later—know you’re a whole different kind of monster and you should stop that immediately because WHAT’S THE POINT?
When should you speed up? When you use the left lane to pass AND ONLY TO PASS.
Do not think the left lane is like any other lane because it’s not.
It is not.
The left lane is for passing. Unless you’re passing, PLEASE stay to the right.
Holy smokes, I could talk about this particular peeve for at least another thousand words, but I’ll refrain because it would get ugly. And quick.
All I’ll say is if you are in the left lane and the person behind you is obviously trying to go faster, move. MOVE. Preferably sideways, but if it’s forward at a somewhat quicker pace, so be it. Just do something.
And don’t get mad at the person trying to pass you! That’s their right. You can flip ’em off and fake yell out your window as they breeze by, if it’ll make you feel better—but you should know: You’re the bad guy in that situation, pitching a tent to camp in a passing lane.
Who else is terrible?
Probably the dumbest of the dumb: texters
Holy sh*t, are these people dumb. Do you text and drive? You’re DUMB. Sorry if I know you on a very personal level, but I mean it. You’re suuuuper dumb.
I know someone with a loved one who DIED because they got REAR-ENDED by another person TEXTING WHILE DRIVING.
It’s not a thing you can be good at. Unless you have four eyes allowing you to keep two on the road at all times, you cannot do it.
AND NOBODY HAS FOUR EYES SO STOP DOING IT.
We’re good. We’re gooooood. We’re good!
The only other people I wanna call out are the ones slowing down because they see a cop on the side of the road already writing someone else a ticket.
Bonus points when they’re doing it facing the other direction.
You’re fine. We’re all fine!
Now speed back up so I can reset my cruise control.
Jam to: The Eagles