Find Me

The thing about Wedding Season is you don’t have to be in a wedding for the festivities to take up a ton of your time.

Our first ceremony of 2017 was just four days ago and already I’m counting down until our next free weekend.

Sorry if that makes me sound ungrateful. Not the case at all, I promise. Weddings are great and being invited to just one is an honor, but even as a guest it takes a lot to prepare!

My nails are always chipping, so a fresh coat of polish is required. But the thing about painting your nails is then your hands are out of commission for at least an hour, so you have to plan accordingly and essentially do nothing else that night.

(I know when you pay to get your nails done they have a fancy light to speed things along, but I am beyond cheap so hell yes I apply my own Essie.)

And with spring weddings you have to somehow fake a tan because the sun has barely been out and it’s definitely not warm enough to actually bake.

But if you think I’m climbing into a box of UV bulbs you’ve got another thing coming.

That leaves us with the following options: Apply a weird sunless tanner every day the whole week of the wedding or pay for a spray tan.

I’d like to say I regularly choose Door No. 1, but that stuff is so annoying and I can never apply it well so I end up with weird orange splotches in every joint or nice bronze arms and legs tapering into transparent hands and feet.

Naturally that’s the route I took last week but only because I knew I was coughin’ up the dough for a real spray tan this week.

See what I mean about having no free time? These thoughts consume my every waking moment.

So here we are. It’s Wednesday and I haven’t written a single post since my last bit of writing advice. And I would sooner quit blogging than allow two Writing Wednesdays to appear side-by-side on my Home page.

That’s why today is nothing but a buffer article—grammar lessons will resume tomorrow.

Just don’t assume the topic of this post is a total throwaway. Quite the opposite! It’s actually a subject near and dear to my heart: social profiles.

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And with that, we’ll talk Twitter first.

In a nutshell: Twitter is where I do. not. care.

If I feel a certain way or have a reaction to something—anything—it’s going in a tweet.

If this sounds like your jam, we’d probably get along very well, so follow me here! Updates are usually centered around sports, stupid people or my gripes with adulthood.

Facebook, on the other hand, is where I keep relatively quiet. Most of what I share there comes directly from Instagram. If I link an article, it’s because I think the average person would find it interesting and in no way am I trying to force my views on other people.

You’d be surprised how necessary that kind of disclaimer is. Hurts my soul a little (a lot).

That said, I do know some funny people who like to share funny things on my timeline. If that sounds like your jam, you can friend me here.

BUT! If you’re hesitating, just opt out and try Instagram instead. Like I said, that’s where most of my Facebook updates come from anyway.

And I promise not to serialgram.

Serialgrams are basically Facebook albums without the ~*fun TiTLes*~.

To be fair, serialgram’ing wasn’t a big deal until the algorithm happened. Before the algorithm, when everything appeared chronologically, I could push all serialgrams to the top and resume my normal browsing habits.

With the algorithm, the serialgrams are spread out and intermixed with updates from 12 hours ago that I’m just seeing for the first time even though I last opened the app 15 minutes ago and why is the internet hiding things from me?

So I can no longer fly through serialgrams and get straight to the new and exciting. I have to look at everything because who knows how old something might be and whether or not it’s from the same person!

Clearly I have very strong feelings about this but refuse to apologize. Because it’s not my fault. It’s Mark Zuckerberg’s.

And while I wish I could promise my profile isn’t full of selfies, my most recent post is actually a selfie. I’m so sorry.

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Now I’m going to mention LinkedIn but only to say that I find it super weird when people I DO NOT KNOW want to connect.

Strangers on Twitter are totally fine. Same goes for Instagram. Facebook? Maybe. If we have enough mutual friends.

But not LinkedIn. If I’ve never met you and we don’t have any shared connections or common interests, I am ignoring you. Because that’s just weird.

Why would we need to connect? You can’t endorse me for anything because YOU DO NOT KNOW ME. Which is why I wouldn’t endorse you for anything, either!

Granted, my profile pic is soooooo young professional it hurts. Why wouldn’t you want to keep tabs on this lady’s career?

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But don’t. Please? Stop.

Follow me on literally anything else. I’m way more fun on those accounts anyway!

And now we’re approaching 1,000 words of nothing, so I’ll wrap it up and see you tomorrow for a very exciting Writing Wednesday.

I promise.

—-

Title Credit: Kings of Leon

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