Give It Away

Showers are a staple of your 20s.

And before we get five paragraphs in talking gifts and games and whatnot, please know I’m not referring to personal hygiene. Those should be a staple of every decade in life.

But again, I attended an all-girls school where things were pretty hit or miss. Different topic for a different day.

Instead, I’m talking about bridal and baby showers, with ages 23-26 all but consumed by the former. To the point where you’re pretty sure you’ve played every possible version of “Who said what?” and “How well does our bride know the groom?”

Spoiler alert: They always pass that test.

For us non-married ladies, we show up wondering what white outfit the bride-to-be will flaunt, stricken with the fear of one day wearing that color several times over the course of a year, knowing we’ll never pull it off as well as everyone else.

poop-street

Honestly, if you really think that’s the first thing on my mind upon arriving at a bridal shower, you are definitely a girl who’s never been single.

The truth is, we show up knowing at least one person is going to comment on when it will be “your turn”.

To which I respond, “We’re taking turns?! Did I miss a lottery of some sort? A drawing of sticks? Was I marked absent and given the short stick by default?”

I a) demand answers and b) kindly request people STOP speculating as to the timing of my life’s major events.

But really, it’s fine. I know everyone means well. There just comes a point where you feel like a high school senior hosting your graduation party with the recited “I’m going to Lincoln to major in journalism, living with a friend from Duchesne and yes, definitely rushing but no house in mind.”

I actually caught myself answering the engagement question with that line a few months ago. My interrogator rolled with the punches, God bless her.

HOWEVER, once you get that question out of the way, bridal showers totally rule. As a guest, your only job is to grab some snacks and an alcoholic bev, sit back and watch them collect incredible housewares that you take mental note of for your own registry.

Ten years from now.

And I kind of love buying bridal shower gifts? Because in my mind—a steel trap of absolutely worthless information—anytime they use that avocado slicer, they’ll think of me. Same with the spiralizer. And the pizza cutter. And the chip clips.

I’m practically haunting their kitchen at this point.

And before you try to connect weird dots and assume I buy baby blankets in the hopes of haunting a child’s room, please check yourself.

1) A blanket is a lame gift. I’m all about tiny tutus and corduroys. And 2) baby showers are a whole different ball game.

By the time baby showers become a thing, you’re closer to 30 than you are to college (UGHHHHHHH) and everyone’s been through the bridal wringer. You know what makes a great shower and the host knows you know, so they go above and beyond to make theirs the best.

They don’t waste your time with drinks served in actual baby bottles and little bootie-shaped sugar cookies, no ma’am. They provide a breakfast spread that would put the best D.C. brunch spots to shame.

And a mimosa bar with four flavors of juice to choose from.

And themed cupcake holders with little frosted cinnamon rolls instead of actual cupcakes.

These hostesses know that if you’re gonna do games, they not only have to be original, but should also pay off with a quality prize.

In my opinion, the best baby showers are the ones where you play The Price Is Right with onesies and wipes and formula and realize babies cost an actual fortune.

(Doesn’t make ’em any less cute.)

And I know The Price Is Right: Diaper Edition is in no way creative, but that show is still the best thing about getting sick on a weekday so anything like it is a win in my book.

But here’s where I get sentimental, because if you haven’t called B.S. at least once in the last 700 words, you still don’t know me very well.

I love everything about these showers. Being invited is a blessing, shopping for the bride or mom-to-be is a blast, and attending is one of my favorite ways to spend a weekend afternoon.

If that weirds you out, grow a heart.

These women are taking a HUGE STEP in life—and a happy one at that. Who wouldn’t want to partake in the joy? Either by hosting friends and family to celebrate, or picking up a set of kick-ass knives from Bed Bath & Beyond.

I’ll give you one guess as to which role I prefer. And that’s never gonna change.

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Title Credit: Red Hot Chili Peppers

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