I’m an anxious person. I don’t do well being away from home for long periods of time, and especially hate when that away is somewhere with a big, loud crowd.
(Would it surprise you to learn my New Year’s Eve was spent at home playing board games? WITH FRIENDS, of course. I do have friends.)
But here’s the thing: I haven’t always been this anxious. In fact, there was a time not too long ago where I didn’t even know what anxiety entailed. I’d mistake it for excitement and throw around “OMG I’m so anxious!” on the reg.
So young. So naive.
In my first post, I mentioned the hope that this blog will act as an outlet for me to better articulate my experiences. What I really meant was, I’ve found myself retreating further and further into this weird, hermity shell, and it’s high time I pull myself out.
I’m becoming more introverted with age and I do not like it. At first, I was totally fine opting for sweats and Netflix over hours spent getting ready for overpriced drinks downtown. Then it kind of became a trend and people made funny memes, but the more memes I saw, the more I realized it’s not that funny?
We’re not experiencing anything.
Five or six years ago, FOMO drove me to do just about everything my friends were doing. It was awesome. Exhausting, but awesome.
Smart phones weren’t the norm! Can you imagine? We actually spent time interacting with one another, having real conversations and taking pictures for the sake of remembering each experience – not because Instagram demanded them.
It’s hard to pinpoint when the introversion set in, but if I had to guess, it’s probably when paychecks started going toward real bills, my relationship was deemed serious, and we became responsible for two dogs.
In no way am I blaming any of the above for this rising unsettlement. I’m beyond grateful for the expendable income, a boyfriend I’m still not sure I deserve, and two pups whose days begin and end licking every square inch of my feet, face and hands. (They seriously love feet, it’s so weird.)
Really, my dissatisfaction is the result of me not willing to put in the time and energy to balance. I sit idly by, fully convinced all scheduled activity over a given week will exhaust me by Friday night and shoot down actual weekend plans, not doing a damn thing to reprioritize, reenergize and really experience life.
Now I’m calling myself out. Not as a resolution – though the timing does conveniently coincide with the new year – but as a challenge. My 20s are almost over (GROSS) and I’d really like something to show for ’em.
So, whaddya say? Wanna socialize?
Title Credit: Coldplay